i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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