I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
