just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
