Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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