speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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