i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
