Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
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You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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