I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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