So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
