Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
