u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
