for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize