Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
