My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The air was thick with penises
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
