YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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