he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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