Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
