What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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