Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
