Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
