Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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