your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
