he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
