it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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