so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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