i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
