I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
