you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
