I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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