Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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