So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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