Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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