My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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