It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize