I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
