Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
