Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
