So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
