you have to choose: penises or morals?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
