return my video game
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
