he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
