My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
