just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I need a beard to bite.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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