the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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