Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize