i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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