out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
