Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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