she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can you bring me the toilet please
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
