if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
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If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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