plz talk dirty to me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
