Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
