I'm going to jail i love you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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