I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Randomize