If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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