so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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