people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My vagina just recognized that song.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
