Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
