So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
