i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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