Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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