??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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