I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
