Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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