I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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