It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
