i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
