I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
