What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
