somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
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