okay pat passed out under dana's car
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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