it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
