i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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