she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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