Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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