dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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