I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
