You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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