Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I look excited, but its just a facade.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
