all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
